Thank you for making me realise that life is far too short to worry about meaningless things that aren’t important, that the cure for anxiety is simply thinking more positively and living in the present moment. I’m angry at you for making money issues the bane of my life, causing incredible amounts of stress, but, because of this, you’ve helped me discover the simple things – those things that require little, or no money at all. Weekend walks, home-made cooking and coffee brewing have replaced Selfridges spending sprees, Starbucks lattes and dining out every evening in the city. Because of these walks, I fell in love with the world all over again, discovering its splendid beauty in a crisp, spring sunrise, in the pretty, pink blossom trees, in the golden leaves, dancing in the harsh autumn wind, and my cloudy, winter breath that swirls amongst the bitter, frosty air. Cooking became a hobby, as opposed to a chore. I never thought I’d enjoy the process of preparing fresh vegetables, but, for those thirty minutes of peeling, cutting, dicing and chopping, I’m completely absorbed in the present moment, focused entirely on all of the good that I’ll be putting into my body. 2013, why was the world in such a rush? I noticed how everybody practically ran to their destinations, a take-away coffee in one hand, and a phone in the other. After reading the book Slow by Carl Honoré , it really made me stop and think. I want to pace myself, smile at strangers, take more notice of the world we live in, eat slower, think slower, and simply enjoy every single second of my life right now, instead of obsessing over the future, and worrying that I’m running out of time.
In July, I waved goodbye to my apartment. The beautiful one that I shared with my love, the one with the open plan kitchen, the French windows, and those two ginger cats who appeared at the door that rainy afternoon, when I was feeling incredibly lonely. I miss the space, the white walls that still smelt like fresh paint, the morning light that enveloped me, the scrumptious smell of banana bread baking, our stuff piled up in corners, the huge bath where I spent hours in candlelight, and the cold, creepy, cellar where I couldn’t bring myself to walk down alone. I appreciate the fact that we had (and still have) his mum’s apartment to stay in for a while, but I’m longing for my own place, as opposed to space in a small bedroom, somewhere to call home, a place filled with my personal things, walls I can decorate, rooms I can wander about in, wearing nothing but my underwear. As a twenty-five year old, engaged woman, my time spent with my love is so precious to me, and I feel like we never really get the time to just be, undisturbed.
You’ve tested my patience, 2013, but, thank you for making me more determined than ever to organise my life and find my own perfect little haven once again. I have a feeling 2014 is going to be beautiful, the kind of year where everything just falls into place, a year full of love, happiness, success, and most importantly – change.
I’ll be honest, 2013. I’m not going to miss you. You kicked me down, but I got right back up.